amberherron

~ T-Ball Pics! ~

I don't want Ainsleigh totally hogging all the picture space on my blog!  Josiah has been enjoying t-ball again this year.  He has finally even learned that the whole team does not need to run to the ball and fight over it!  He has some good skills even if his favorite part of the whole experience is the snack at the end!  Seriously!

 

 

 

 

~ Easter Best ~

My two kiddos all dressed up for Easter Sunday!

 

Being this beautiful is exhausting!

 

 

~ One Month Old ~

Ainsleigh turned one month old on March 26th.  I just finally got these pictures off my camera though!  I have many other pictures to share in the coming week too (Easter, 2 Months, T-Ball).  I have turned into one of those people who needs time to touch up my photos before posting so sorry it is taking me a while!  Here are a few I got done tonight.   These were taken in the outfit in which Josiah calls her his "little strawberry shortcake".  Sadly, she no longer fits in it.  :-(

March 26, 2012

 

 

~ The 3 Hour Journey ~

I have been writing this post in my head for over a month now.  I was at work the day we found out that the judge had signed our placement papers and Ainsleigh could come home from host care.  The timing worked out that Jon had previous engagements that he could not get out of.  So, Josiah and I traveled across the great state of Michigan immediately after school to pick up our new addition!

It was kind of surreal for me to be driving with my sweet (and excited!) 5 year old son knowing this would be the end of our time of him being the only child.  I found myself reflecting on the last five years and the day we brought him home.  He has grown and changed so much!  We faced joys beyond what we could even imagine and some challenges that the Lord gave us strength to endure. 

Early on in our journey, Josiah and I had a conversation that reminded me of the goal of our parenting:  we want to raise sons and daughters that are captured by the grace and love of Jesus and use that passion to change the world!  This conversation helped me feel like despite our moments of weakness, Jesus is working to achieve this goal.

We were passing a cemetery while driving when the conversation began.

Josiah:  That's where people are buried when they die.  There are a lot of people that died over there.  Did they die because of sin?

Me:  Yes, Josiah, that's right.  When sin entered the world with Adam and Eve, God made it so people would die.  He did not want us to live forever in sin and not have a relationship with us - He loves us too much to allow that.

Josiah:  Well, I have done lots of bad things, so does that mean I have to die too and be separated from God?

Me:  The Bible says that everyone makes bad choices and sins.  The good news is that we can still have a relationship with God?  Do you know how?

Josiah:  Jesus died on the cross.

Me:  That's right.  So if you belive that Jesus died for your sins and ask Him to be the boss or leader of your life, then you can have a relationship with God now and be with Him forever in heaven when you leave this earth. 

Josiah:  But sometimes, I still make bad choices.

Me:  Well, everyone has a hard time making bad choices at times.  The Bible also says that when we ask Jesus to lead us, we get the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is God too.  He is there to help us make the right choices and not turn to sin. 

Josiah:  Oh, ok.  I already have Him. 

Then the conversation moved on to some topic important to 5 year old boys.  I was smiling to myself and teary-eyed though.  My son "gets it" at the young age of five.  This is one area, by the grace of God, we seem to be succeeding as parents!  I cannot imagine a better way of ending my time with Josiah as my only child!  My heart was just overflowing!

My introspection continued as we journeyed back home with our new little bundle.  The whole time, I found myself silently thanking God for these two blessings.  I believe that every child is uniquely planned and placed in their family whether through birth or adoption.  There's just a part of me though, that knows without ANY doubt, God made these two children especially for our family!  It is overwhelming.  The birth families didn't just happen to pick us.  It is not a coinicidence.  The children (and birth families) we prayed years for arrived in our family at the exact right time and under the exact right circumstances.

We belong together.

My journey was 3 hours each way with my children that day, however, it has been set in motion for eternity. 

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."  -  James 1:17

~ How We Paid Cash for our Adoption ~

 A little over two years ago, I sat in a full auditorium participating in Joe Sangl's Financial Learning Experience.  One of the first activities Joe had everyone do is write down what dream you would like to fulfill in your life as a result of winning with money.  This was easy for me - to pay cash for another adoption.  It seemed impossible as I wrote it, but I have learned through many trials and circumstances in my life that NOTHING is impossible for God (especially when I am striving to honor and serve Him).

About one year after this, we had indeed begun the domestic infant adoption process.  It was in part an act of faith.  We did not have the full funding in the bank when we initiated the adoption, but trusted that God would help us when the time came.  Each payment that was required at the start (home study fees, profile fees, etc.), we were able to have the cash on hand!  We felt so encouraged!  You know what they say, "Success breeds success."  Seeing this progress motivated us to continue to be frugal and stash away whatever extra we could.  Thanks to this, a few financial gifts, and a good tax refund, we were seeing our savings grow.  We were feeling more and more prepared for when the time came to make that big "placement fee." 

Every goal you work towards, however, is bound to have its setbacks.  Ours came at the end of last summer.  Jon was suddenly unemployed.  While he did receive severance, it was 50% of his previous take home pay.  We had no notice of this abrupt budget change and found ourselves scrambling to make our personal budget viable.  We were looking at a severe monthly deficit even with large cutbacks.  We knew we had our savings cushion, but the thought of living off our hard-saved adoption money was heartbreaking to say the least. 

I spent a season of a couple of months in constant prayer for wisdom and provision.  It was daunting to think of finding a new job in the midst of this economy.  Jon was still recovering from back surgery which slowed down his ability to seek new employment.  I had to wait on the state licensure process to be able to secure employment in my field.  It all seemed so depressing after working so hard to win with our money!  I often would wake up in the night, sit on the couch with my open Bible, cry, and pray.  I felt so hopeless.  How in the world would we ever see our adoption dream realized, let alone come up with the average cost of $24,400 in cash?!?

Some time in late September, we received an unexpected phone call from some pastor friends of ours.  They had been continually checking in on us during this season and were very concerned for our emotional, spiritual, and financial well being.  The purpose of the phone call, other than to emotionally and spiritually support us, was to let us know that they intended to financially support us for three months with the other half of Jon's salary that he was no longer receiving as part of the severance.  We were dumbfounded.  We were touched beyond words that these men cared that deeply about our family and protecting us from bitterness in a painful season.  They were BEING the Church to our family.  God truly does SEE everything and provides... even if it is from unexpected places! 

We both humbled ourselves around this same time and searched for any local job we could get.  Jon worked at the local video store part-time.  I took on a seasonal job in a Christmas store.  We continued to live off of our stripped down budget through this time.  Any surplus we scrounged up, we immediately transferred to our savings account.  Our biggest prayer request in order to continue with our adoption plans was for Jon to gain steady full time employment with benefits.  We had to be able to show this for our home study update in December or our file would be put on hold (after a year of waiting).  

God provided once again in the most unexpected way.  Jon received a job offer out-of-the-blue that answered our exact prayers.  The income was significantly lower than our previous income - in fact lower than we've earned in about 10 years.  The amazing part is that due to our gazelle intensity with finances the last three years, we could work our budget off of this new lower income!    I also began part-time work in my field of counseling.

We continued to be little squirrels storing for winter. 

And then winter came... February 26th to be exact!  A baby girl was born at 35 weeks.  I got a call on Leap Day that the birth family had selected us to parent this little girl.  Each situation is different and the expenses can vary.  We had just heard some stories of very high expenses from other waiting families.  We held our breath for the phone call with the balance due for the placement.  The call came and... WE HAD ALL THE CASH ON HAND TO MAKE THE FINAL PAYMENT!!!  Our dream of paying cash for adoption was realized!!!

Our dream was realized....

in the midst of continuing to aggressively pay off debt

in the midst of saving money for a down payment on a house and paying cash for a few big ticket items (lawn mower, furniture, applicances)

in the midst of abrupt, unexpected job loss

in the midst of a large decrease in take home pay

God partnered with us.  He put His super on our natural.  He fulfilled Ephesians 3:20 before our very eyes! 

***Does this inspire you to win with money?  Check out Joe Sangl's site for first steps and free budgeting tools!  Don't wait - start today! You can do it!

~ Photo Fun with Ainsleigh ~

I've been having a little fun during my semi-conscious hours by having mini photo shoots with my baby girl.  I think they turned out great.  :-) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~ Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice ~

What are little girls made of?  Sugar and spice and everything nice!  It's a good thing we have a sweet tooth in this family because we just got a whole bunch of sugar!

Introducing...

 

 

 Ainsleigh Grace

Born February 26, 2012

5 lbs 13 oz

18.7 inches long

 

Isn't she just the sweetest most beautiful little thing?!?  I am super excited to add some more girl power to the Herron household!

 

And Josiah is super excited to be the protective big brother!

 

The new and improved Herron family!

~ Wounds from the Church: The Enemy ~

I work as a counselor.  Sometimes in my line of work, I have a client who struggles with self-injury.  The issue of self-injury is an indicator to me that something deeper is going on with the client.  Something is not right.  It is not normative for a person to want to inflict harm on themselves.  The objective person outside the situation thinks, “Why would you want to hurt yourself?  What do you stand to gain?”

I’ve been thinking a lot about how this issue of self-injury parallels with the church.  All too often, people within the church see one another as the enemy.  Another Christian hurts them and they retaliate.  Hurting people hurt people.  Conflicts are not typically resolved in an honest, mature, and biblical manner, but rather through gossip, malicious intent, and segregation.  People within the church become more consumed with being right or “winning” rather than genuine reconciliation.

Here’s the thing: the church is the body of Christ.  So, if I am intentionally inflicting harm on another believer, aren’t I just really inflicting self-harm?  Aren’t I just like that client who struggles with self-injury?  Why would I want to hurt myself? 

Lucretia Noble once made a brilliant statement regarding fighting in marriage, “Nobody wins a fight when fighting with your spouse.  You both lose.”  I think this same idea applies to the church.  Nobody wins when we fight amongst ourselves. 

Here’s another way to approach the whole idea: the church is repeatedly referred to in Scripture as the bride of Christ.  We can’t claim to truly and deeply love Jesus, while at the same time reject His bride.  It’s the same principle that keeps you from being best friends with someone who dislikes your spouse.  You love your spouse.  You are not going to want to be around others who only see the negative in them.   

The church and other Christians are not your enemy!

So, who is?  Let’s go back to Ephesians 6 again:

“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” 

Flesh and blood is not our enemy.  Our enemy is Satan.  He wants us to believe that we are each other’s enemies.  We are just playing into his hands and harming ourselves and the mission of God when we act on this belief. 

Scripture is clear that the enemy wants to devour us (2 Tim 2:24-26, Eph 4:26-27).  We must stand united and firm against this enemy.  We must be devoted to praying for ourselves and others to not allow the enemy to get a foothold and use us for his evil intents.  We are on the same team!

I don’t know about you, but as a believer in Jesus, I am so thankful for His grace and mercy!  I love Romans 8 which reminds me that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  The moments I screw up I don’t have to get down on myself.  I am not condemned.  Those sins are on Jesus.  I simply turn to Him, ask forgiveness, and for the Holy Spirit to further grow and sanctify me. 

This whole idea actually comes from the Old Testament.  In Leviticus 16:20-22 we see this:

“And when he has made an end of atoning for the Holy Place and the tent of meeting and the altar, he shall present the live goat.  And Aaron shall lay both his hands on the head of the live goat, and confess over it all the iniquities of the people of Israel, and all their transgressions, all their sins. And he shall put them on the head of the goat and send it away into the wilderness by the hand of a man who is in readiness. The goat shall bear all their iniquities on itself to a remote area, and he shall let the goat go free in the wilderness.” 

This is where we get the term scapegoat.  God tells Moses and Aaron to confess the sins over the goat and send it off away from the people.  New Testament believers realize that Jesus has become the final scapegoat.  Our sins are placed on His shoulders at the cross and therefore sent away from us.  We are no longer condemned – thank You, Jesus!

Ready to have your mind blown?  If it is true that I am no longer condemned because my sins are on Christ Jesus, then isn’t it also true that my brothers and sisters in Christ are also no longer condemned?  The Christian who has deeply wounded me has his or her sins on Jesus’ shoulders the same as I do.  The same grace and mercy I am so thankful to experience is extended to the Christian who sins against me. 

It is not my job to condemn. 

God does not condemn… that is part of what Jesus has done for us. 

You know who does condemn?  Satan!  He’s the only one who continually brings up your past failures and mistakes.  That does not come from God.  A Christian who is moping about his or her past is not walking in the freedom of the cross. 

How do we unite to fight against this enemy when we’ve been hurt by our fellow Christian?  We pray for the Holy Spirit to convict us of ways that we each may be allowing Satan to gain a foothold in our lives.  We pray for God to protect us from the arrows Satan is throwing at us.  We remember the importance of the armor of God (Eph 6). 

What this has looked like for me lately is to pray specifically that God would bring sins committed against myself and my family to the mind of those who sinned against us and that He would develop a strong desire for repentance within that individual.  I further pray that this will plant the seed for reconciliation to occur in some of these relationships.  I do not pray this so my fellow Christian feels the weight of condemnation, but rather the freedom and rewards of sanctification. 

I also pray that God would convict me if I am letting Satan gain ground in my own heart and seek forgiveness.  I may specifically mention the sins committed against me and then thank God that those sins are on Jesus allowing my fellow Christian to be free just as I am free!  The biggest winner when reconciliation occurs between Christians is Jesus!  Jesus is going to win in the end anyway, but I want to be a part of gaining ground while the war is raging on. 

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”  (John 8:36)

~BIG NEWS to share...but not until Wednesday so here's a little hint...~

BIG NEWS coming to this blog on Wednesday!  Curious yet???  Want a hint?

It involves links - hee, hee.

This specific web link will give you a HUGE clue!  Seriuosly, go here now!

:-) 

~ Wounds from the Church: Forgiveness ~

One of the number one issues for someone who has scars from a hurtful church experience is that of forgiveness.  How do you forgive when it hurts so stinking bad?  How do you avoid developing a root of bitterness in your heart?  This is one of the hardest aspects of moving forward after a wound from the church.  I believe the centrality of moving forward in forgiveness is the Gospel. 

I must always keep before me what God has done for me.  Jesus endured the wrath of God on the cross in order to rescue me from my sin.  Jesus was separated from God in order that I may be reunited with Him.  Paul David Tripp puts it this way in How People Change, “The trinity was torn asunder so that we can experience reconciliation and forgiveness.”  My motivation to forgive others comes from the forgiveness I have received. 

I am reminded of the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35.  Scripture makes it very clear that blessings do not flow from a heart of unforgiveness.  In fact, the Bible says that we cannot love Jesus and hate others at the same time (John 4:20).  Scripture also says that our enemy is not flesh and blood, but the ruler of this dark world (Eph 6).  Jonathan once rephrased it this way in a message, “If it has flesh and blood, it’s not your enemy!”  How freeing is that!?!

I know this all sounds great in theory.  Putting it into practice when you are hurting deeply, however, is a different matter.  It’s not easy!  Thankfully, the Bible also tells me what I should do when I am struggling with those who have inflicted hurt.  Matthew 5:43-48 tells the Christian that we are to love our “enemies” and pray for those who hurt us.  Luke 6:28 reinforces this same principle and says, “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (NIV)  It is hard to stay angry and bitter when you are praying for someone and asking God to bless them. 

In the counseling world, we talk about triggers.  They are situations or thoughts that signal to someone that something deeper is going on.  I have learned to take those moments when my true enemy (Satan) brings up the past and my mind starts going to that negative place and use it as a trigger.  It is an indicator that I need to stop, pray for that person (or people), and ask God to bless them.  Through this process, I am the one who ultimately is most blessed!

This process does not start automatically.  You must make an active choice.  Forgiveness is not a one-time event.  Every time those thoughts or feelings pop up, you have to use self-control and choose once again, to forgive.  Eventually, your heart moves.  Scripture says that “As a man thinks, so is he.”  The more I can train my thoughts to pray for and bless those who have hurt me, the more likely I am to genuinely love my “enemy.”  This provides more fertile ground for Godly reconciliation to occur. 

I think one last issue with forgiveness is how it is lumped in with many misconceptions.  I cannot say it better, so here’s a list of what forgiveness is not from the Driscoll’s book Real Marriage.

• Forgiveness is not denying, approving or diminishing sin that is committed against us.
• Forgiveness is not naivety.
• Forgiveness is not enabling sin.
• Forgiveness is not waiting for someone to acknowledge sin, apologize, and repent.
• Forgiveness is not forgetting about sin committed against us.
• Forgiveness is not dying emotionally and no longer feeling the pain of transgression.
• Forgiveness is not a one-time event.
• Forgiveness is not reconciliation.
• Forgiveness is not neglecting justice.

So what are you holding on to?  Let it go!  This quote from Mansfield was a HUGE help for me in reframing my mind on forgiveness.

“Even if everyone involved in your hurtful situation instantly agreed with your perspective on the facts, it would not heal the damage that has been done to your insides.”

Nothing can change the past and the hurt you experienced.  You can change your future, however, by choosing to walk forward in forgiveness.

Forgiveness is loving despite sin.  We do not forgive others because they are good or deserving, but rather because God is good and deserving.  Forgiveness is an ongoing lifestyle that is incredibly costly to us and lived out of love for God and others.  – Driscoll